that quarter life crisis


I would like to think I would be able to conquer the world if I put my mind to it - and most days, I am able to either lie to myself that I have everything in order or live in denial that all's right with the world and there's no such thing as question marks scattered through life. 
Most days was not a couple weeks ago. 

It's not easy being a young adult in current times. Twenty, thirty years ago, the life trajectory was what it is supposed to be - a trajectory, a smooth curve that would seamlessly link education and employment. Sure, you still had to fight for things, but it was predictable. Quarter-life was just another period that wasn't anything particularly earth-shattering. Now? Things aren't so easy. We have a course that's fragmented and shattered, predictability is something that's almost a myth, and working hard doesn't always guarantee an ending. But at the same time, aspirations and expectations are higher, cumulating in levels of stress that would equate the energy release of the Great San Francisco Earthquake in 1906. 

I remember used to hating rules and guidelines. I was the kid in school that would turn my nose up at premade time schedules - why should someone else be given the reins of my life? Now I'm realizing how young and naive I was. I'm so lost right now, I would happily be handed a blueprint for the rest of my life. Not a step-by-step manual, but a framework, so at least I have some reassurance that things are going to work out. Or at least I'll know the general area where I'm supposed to be and not be crushed by the sheer amount of information inflow. I want someone to come up to me and say, "look, this is the job that's best for you - go do this, this, and this, and you'll be set for life." Things would be so much simpler that way and would save me from so many anxiety attacks. 

I do not like uncertainty. I hate not knowing. I loathe the idea of having to take a step when you don't know if there's a steady footing. I am absolutely and insanely terrified of it. I don't want to chalk it up to "that's life, isn't it?" because it means throwing your hands up at fate and declaring you can't do anything about it. But at the same time, what can you do about it? 

Right now, I'm taking deep breaths and trying to refocus on the tasks I have at hand and not cripple myself too early on with the anxiety that will probably riddle the rest of my life. But it's hard. That quarter life crisis is real and I'm still struggling. But one method I've found that helps a lot? Talking to people that know you, have a ridiculous amount of faith in you, and best, if they have gone through the situation themselves. I had a long chat with one of my dearest people a couple days after my bad day and not only did his extraordinary amount of faith in me pull me out of the dark side a bit, he also opened my eyes to a couple of options that I had never considered before. 

We all need people. Especially in the darkest hours - humans are social animals. No matter how antisocial, or introverted you are, you still need your people. This quarter life crisis is one of those people moments. 
With Love, 
Daphne x